Thoughts on 2010 and the year ahead

I remember the night before my first chemo treatment, Lon, Richard, and I watched a little video called "Chemo and you," or something to that effect. The video follows three chemo patients and their side effects. Two of the three had some awful sounding stories. I remember looking at Lon and being terrified. Rashes, and mouth sores, and vomiting, oh my.

But there was a third guy who I also recall said something like, "I don't know why my reactions have been mild. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones."

With chemo, there is no rhyme or reason.

During these last four and a half months of chemo, I've thought of that man often. because I am also one of the lucky ones. The first chemo cocktail (a combo of three chemicals) was a little rougher than the second sort (the taxol I'm on now) but even that wasn't too bad. I got nauseous, but didn't throw up. I got tired, but still had enough energy to exercise pretty regularly. I lost my hair, but...oh :-) There wasn't a good side to that. (Maybe the good side will be that my hair will grow back thick and wavy!!)

Now the nausea is almost always gone.

I was supposed to lose my nails and toenails, but so far only a few of my toes are blue. :-) I got very itchy with an allergic reaction to the taxol at first, but that has subsided. My skin is dry, but that's why God created baby oil. And guess what? My hair (we think) is starting to grow back!

The worst side effect is fatigue that comes and goes, and a low feeling that attaches itself to the most intense tiredness. But again, the fatigue comes and goes. I'm even able to run/walk once a week and do other forms of exercise which always makes me feel better. In general, I'm plugging right along. Why? Because I get plenty of rest? Because I'm lucky enough to be able to not fly the friendly skies right now (Thank you, honey.)? Because of my fitness level going into all this? That's most people's favorite reason for my general good luck with the chemo thing. But I happen to know of a very fit female athlete who had severe side effects on chemo.

My theory is prayer. I am being prayed for all over the world by so many people (most of whom don't even know me :-)).

It's new year's eve, a time to reflect on what's behind us and to look to the future with hopeful hearts as to what lies in store, and to be thankful.

I am thankful for my friends, and to God for allowing me to get through this so far, with relative ease, and for my family, who have all come through for me with buckets of love and support. (Is it so wrong to not want this mushy mid-section? Oops. Digressing.)

Please be safe on this new year's eve. Be good to your loves ones. Be good to yourself. And have a happy, healthy new year. See you in 2011! xxoo

Ten things

Ten things I'm thankful for (not necessarily in order)

1. My black dog club

2. My wonderful hubby

3. The Obey Giant

4. Two working legs

5. Texting

6. New days

7. Love

8. Antibiotics

9. Spring

10. Hope

I should've said twenty things...Oh well. Off to walk the black dog club on this sunny Florida day.

Note to self: Bloom where you're planted.

Upcoming treatment

This morning Richie went with me to our first consult with the doctor who will handle my radiation therapy. His name is Dr. Dvorak. He is absolutely awesome. Great bedside manner, very informative, very patient.

He explained the order of the treatments (chemo, surgery, radiation), why they recommend radiation therapy at all, and the possible downsides of radiation.

Apparently, up to, say, twenty years ago, if a woman (or man) developed inflammatory cancer, it was treated like any other breast cancer. Mastectomy. This treatment generally had a "poor outcome" for Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC).

So, post-surgery radiation got added to the treatment regimen. Generally, this two-fold treatment also had a "poor outcome."

If you're wondering what this "poor outcome" is, it's exactly what you think. Enough said on that.

Then the docs decided to add chemo at the start of the treatment. Thus was born the three-fold treatment. Aggressive Chemo-mastectomy-radiation. This generally has a better prognosis. This is the treatment course I'm on.

The treatment has to be aggressive like this, hunting down little rogue cancer sells, because IBC is a particularly aggressive cancer that travels via the lymphatic system. (Quick biology fyi for those of you who don't know or don't remember. Your lymphatic system resembles your vascular system. The channels course through your body, like your veins, but they carry disease fighting fluids instead of blood tissue. This is why when you get sick, your lymph nodes can swell. One of the main differences between the two systems is that the lymph system, unlike the vascular system, has no pump--aka heart.)

So, with this in mind, you can imagine how this cancer spreads. A malignant cell multiplies first in the breast tissue (I think?!) then the infected tissue leaks into the lymph nodes under the breast skin and finally permeates the skin on the chest. This is why the skin starts looking kind of pink. From there it travels into the lymph nodes under the arms, then rides the lymphatic system down the breast and up the chest wall--and it can go on from there, using the very system in place to carry disease fighting power to all parts of the body. Usually by the time people discover they have this cancer, it has travelled quite a bit, and is a level four. (Last stage)

Mine, however, was a level three-b, a miracle in itself.

I'm going to take you back to my initial diagnosis at this point. In my case, my diagnosing doc didn't think I had IBC. BUT, (luckily?!?) the IBC, being an aggressive bugger, latched onto the tiny, just-forming ductal carcinoma in my left breast. Now, ductal carcinoma is a notoriously slow growing cancer. As my mom explained at the time of my initial diagnosis, this cancer generally manifests as a little pea-sized lump. (She had this type of cancer twice, as well as another type, a second time) It is self contained, and is called "insitu" which translates loosely to "self-contained." Once it "pops" (think of a popcorn kernel) the cancer cells begin to travel, but this doesn't usually happen for over a YEAR. Am I losing you yet? :-) OK, So when I made the appointment with my doctor initially, I did so because my breast was pink. I had no lumps or bumps, therefore I wasn't in a great hurry to see her. I figured the odds were I had an infection, and the pink would go away and I would end up canceling the appointment that I had to keep moving to accommodate my work schedule. Over the month it took me to get in with the breast surgeon, however, the pink didn't go away. I started to worry I had IBC. Yet I also developed a lump. Over several WEEKS. IBC has no lumps. I was confused. This pointed again to the infection scenario.

Moving on. I asked my doctor about IBC right away, and right away she said she didn't think I had IBC, because my symptoms didn't match the usual symptoms--i.e., my breast didn't look that bad, and there was a lump.

But the lump itself concerned her, even though the lump we found, being rather large, didn't seem like it could be Ductal Carcinoma either, because it was too large. (Remember, ductal cancer manifests slowly, growing into a self-contained pea size over a year or more, and this thing had shown up over a period of weeks) She sent me for a mammogram, and followed up with a biopsy.

I think when the biopsy of the mass came back "invasive" ductal carcinoma, she thought, "Hmm." Because, why would a slow growing cancer show up and two weeks later already have blown past the "insitu" phase?

Answer: Inflammatory Breast Cancer.

I explain this to highlight just how damned aggressive this cancer is. In general, breast cancer is best treated by treating the post-op area with radiation to kill off any remaining cancer cells. But there is a down side. Enough to make me want to turn tail and run the other way. Some patients opt to take this "wait and see" route, skipping the radiation. Only I really can't because of the aggressive nature of IBC. Basically, if the docs don't get all the inflammatory cancer cells with the chemo-surgery route, and I skip the radiation, by the time they find the recurrence (30-40% chance likelihood) the docs will have a hard time stopping it the second go-round. (The "bad prognosis" outcome.)

Sigh.

Onto the nitty-gritty treatment details, upside, and downside. March 23, two and a half weeks after my surgery (March 1?) I will go in for a cat scan and node mapping. They'll put tiny little tattoos on my skin to mark the areas they will shoot with the lazer. A week later, the treatments will begin. Monday through Friday, for six and a half weeks, I'll go in for a mini suntan. Other than being really time consuming, this isn't supposed to hurt all that bad. It will rear its head as...tada!...fatigue. My current shadow.

The radiation will cover the skin, the small amount of remaining breast tissue, the lymph nodes under my arm. My neck. My chest wall. Then I will be done with "treatment," with only surgery left down the road.

Doesn't sound too bad. Except...it can affect my heart, since part of the beam may hit my heart. which can lead to increased chances for heart attack down the road. The good news is, this is the least likely problem for me due to my over all good-health.

Then there's the possibility it can leave my skin funky so reconstruction doesn't come out right. It also means I have to wait six to nine months for reconstruction surgery, while the irradiated skin heals. This just sounds so long to be stuck in this cancer phase of my life when added to the time already invested.

Radiation can damage my nerves running down my arm, to affect the use of my hand.

Radiation can affect the remaining lymph nodes under my arm (cancer and surgery will have already left their mark), causing scar tissue so I get a back log of lymphatic fluid. The arm swells in this case--a condition known as lymph-edema.

These outcomes are all uncertain, and so far down the line. And when compared to death, they shouldn't seem so bad. But they do. I don't want this to go on and on. I don't want to wear this disease like an ugly dress. I want to get back to being active. If I get lymph-edema, I won't ever be able to lift heavy things without triggering a reaction. And I just won't know till I know. It doesn't always happen, but it happens more than a little bit of the time.

These are all long-term, life-style changing ramifications of radiation therapy. In my heart, I want to say "up your bum" to it. But then I think of Richie, and family and friends, and I know I won't run away from the treatment because...the because is obvious.

My heart is heavy. But I close my eyes and remind myself every day is a new day. I only have to get through one day at a time, like everyone else. This I can do, with God's grace, He is a lamp to my feet on a starless, moonless night. He light's my path through a thicket of brambles, showing me the direction I should take and clearing the way for me. He sends angels to hold my hand, to hold me up, and to distract me from myself at times :-) something we all need on a regular basis.

Today was chemo day and I slept through almost the whole treatment and I think I will sleep again soon. Thanks for caring enough read and keep up with the ongoing jig of my life. Thanks for your prayers and your love. Know you have mine, as well. Know I read your comments, both on and off the blog, and I hear your precious messages, and my heart smiles. Goodnight and, in the famous words of Tiny Tim, God bless us, everyone.

(Grin. Why not? I have my Eboneezer scrooge cap on and it's the season!)

Just couldn't wait to post

K and i are at md Anderson. With the weekly treatments we only see the oncologist once a month. Today is one of those days and it was a good visit. Dr shah feels k is responding well to the new treatment. The pink shade is all but gone and the breast and lymph node lumps seem noticeably smaller. K and I see all this everyday so sometimes we don't have a reference point but today it seemed obvious. Great news in the fight! A real pick me up. I've been worrying so much about her lately. Headed to the car to hide in the trunk and cry a happy cry. Lol

A Good Day

I am oh so tired, but I haven't posted in a while and thought I'd share a thought or two.

I have had a wonderful day. My friend, Lori, is in town. She lives in Denver and I only get to see her a couple times a year. Allie came home from Tampa to see me and Richie last night and stayed a good part of the day, and tonight I got to see both of my nieces on Richard's side which was a great treat.

Allie was stressed today. (For those who don't know, she is my daughter, shared with three other parents :-) Richard, her mom, Kristin, her step dad Craig, and me.) She seemed a little sad as the day passed and it is tugging at my heart. I think some of it has to do with me being sick and her heading off to South Africa to see her mom tomorrow. She is going for the whole break. Richard and I will miss seeing her on Christmas, but it is going to be a great trip for her. She will get to experience a whole new culture, tour a college she's considering for a Master's program, and see her mom, sister, and Craig.

But it's still the whole break. She's a free spirit who's learned to ground herself by keeping the pace of her life such that she doesn't have to scramble. So going away for her whole break kinda disturbs her peace because it puts her back home just in time to jump back into school. Plus she's flying 20 hours. Plus she's just wrapped up her finals and is mentally fried. So all these factors are weighing on her and she's carrying too much worry around on her little shoulders. And yet...fretting over this upcoming trip didn't keep her from giving me the sweetest gift today. She hand painted a glass jar and filled it with little written notes all folded up. She tells me some of the notes are wise quotes, some are thoughts of hers about things we've experienced together and some are bits of encouragement. I read one today and will read one each day she is gone. It is one of the loveliest gifts I've ever received. :-)

This new chemo is going well. Yes, I have several blueish toenails :-) a few of which are less than a hundred percent attached, but my fingernails are all still healthy. Also, I am no longer sick to my stomach. The worst thing so far has been a bout of itchiness. The second worst thing is physical fatigue. The third worst is my strange internal combustions when steam seems to come off my head! Ok, and my face is starting to swell from the steroids. But in general I feel much better than I'd expected, and I'm three down with ten more to go.

I keep myself up by not dwelling too much on my treatments and having things to look forward to, like this visit from Lori, and quality time with my family (like the other night when my mom came and made me a real German dinner, and dinner's at Rosemary's, aka the grill meister's), and Christmas eve which will be spent with both mine and Richard's side of my family :-) and the upcoming visit from Goldie's Angels!

Some days are hard. This wasn't one of them. Good night, and God bless!

Three Treatments Down!

Sorry for my late post, Kimberly had her 3rd of 13 treatments Monday.  This is the very first one that I missed completely.  She came out of it pretty worn out but otherwise did well.  Today she got up and other than the cold weather she seems to be doing pretty well.  Seems like drinking plenty of water is even more important with the new drug.  Getting it out of the system seems so relieve the tingling and numbness in Kimberly's fingers and toes.

That is all that I can think of at the moment.

Tis the Season

Mostly I just live life one day at a time. I think this is best. I wake up each day refreshed and ready for the day. With enough--like God's Manna. But if you recall, Manna wasn't to be held in reserve for later days. And so is my get-up-and-go reserved for the day. Sometimes I take a peek around the corner and start imagining what's next and I get totally overwhelmed. Ten more weeks of chemo. Pet scan--i.e. Will the chemo have worked? Will I go on to the next step? I don't want to think about this stuff not working. And if it is working, there'll be surgery. Recovery from surgery. Radiation.

Whoa. Take a breath. Today is a good day. I have enough for today. More than enough.

Except...like the I Love Lucy episode where Lucy and Ethel are working the assembly line at the chocolate factory, life is speeding up on me. Of course it is--It's the holiday season. Everyone feels the pinch as they shuffle their hours to make time for shopping and cards and decorating and parties. I am trying, but I just can't seem to keep up. You know the dream where it's Christmas eve and you haven't finished Christmas shopping? This might be the year for me it actually comes true.

Every day my list of want-to-do's gets longer as the-day-before's undones pile up. Lately it seems I can either accomplish a few things or visit/call my friends and family and check my email. But I can't seem to do both. In truth, I can't even tackle one or the other a hundred percent.

What weighs on me are the people I feel slipping through the cracks of my day. I so want every special person in my life to know how much they mean to me. To know how much I think of this one's phone message, that one's home cooked meal, another's heart felt card, and emails and facebook wall posts. So I plan to catch up tomorrow and I get up and make a little headway on the housework and the holidays and the people I love and then the day is gone and I haven't gotten anywhere. I'm heading the wrong way on the airport people mover. I'm riding the down escalator up. I got on the elevator when the doors opened on a 30 story building and figured out after the doors closed I'm heading in the wrong direction.

I am falling short and I'm not even working. How is this possible? I actually feel very stressed and anxious over this while simultaneously rolling my eyes at myself. Hello? How can you allow yourself to feel overwhelmed when countless others undergoing cancer treatment have to manage all this while working, while caring for kids, while....the list goes on.

Please forgive me for my dour outlook. Tomorrow I will shake it off. Tonight I vow to go to bed early. I will wake up with more energy. My dogs will not miss their walk tomorrow. Tomorrow I will finally catch up.

Today's Treatment - Taxol

Hello all, just a quick update on today's treatment, the first of 13 weekly treatments of a single drug called Taxol (Paclitaxel).  K started with a blood test as usual to be sure everything looks ok before the treatment.  Her Platelets were high, which I understand is good.  Then they serve up several IV bags of various "pre-meds" aimed at knocking down side effects.  They have generally scared the crap out of us with possible side effects from this drug.  The conversation has gone something like:
Dr./Onc RN:
"You are switching to weekly Taxol treatments.  It is an easier drug to tolerate than the multi drug cocktail you were on.  There are a few side effects but you shouldn't be as nauseous."
Us:
"Oh.  Sounds better.  What are the side effects?"
Dr./Onc RN:
"Oh, well your fingernails and toenails will probably turn black and fall off.  You will still be fatigued and may need to take amino acids for it.  Oh, and we have to monitor drug toxicity.  It can cause permanent damage.  Your fingers and toes will tingle and go numb.  That's ok as long as the feeling subsides."
Us:
"Sounds much better."

One thing we have learned, though, is they feel they have to prepare you for everything that can happen to you, including the worst.  We are hoping, praying and believing that K will dodge the worst of it.  :)  I continue to believe her overall health and stamina are paying dividends.

So getting back to today, after the pre-meds she got the Taxol and we made our way home.  Did I forget to mention the cruller from Duncan Donuts?  K is wiped out and has just crashed in bed for a nap.  On days when things change it's a bit stressful.  So far, so good.  We shall see.

Thanks so much to everyone for all of the loving support.  You have no idea how much it helps us.  Kimberly wanted me to mention that she got a couple of calls but is just too tired to get on the phone right now.

K has written the last few updates and after reading her posts, I nearly retired my keyboard, having had my writing skills shown up so thoroughly.  Instead, I have given each of us nicknames.  What do you think?

Me:  Ham-hander

K:  Velvet Scribe

Days go by

It's hard to believe three of the six months of chemo have passed. I think I made it through the first three months of "bad chemo" pretty well. They tell me the next three months won't be "as bad." Not as much nausea, no neulasta shot (the shot that makes me feel like a used pinata). And? I say. What else won't I get? Will bloating be a thing of the past?

I hear nothing about bloating but I do hear fatigue will increase. (Insert frownie face here.) Hair won't grow back. (Insert I Am Not My Hair song here.) Muscle pain and numb fingertips and toes. (hmm? When is the better part coming?) Oh yeah, and my nails and toenails will fall off. Ok. I am NOT my hair. I can make due with a wig or hat or scarf. But I can't see myself walking out the front door without nails! I just got used to my plain ol' regular fingernails. Yeesh.

Apparently there is no drinking alcohol with Taxol. I think that'll be ok since I'm usually a t-totaller now. I also think I'll be happy when this three months is up and I can have a nice glass of champagne. (Brings to mind a very good friend who once posted his status on facebook like this: "Relaxing with a nice glass of wine. Who am I kidding? Bottle." :-))

We just had a big, much anticipated weekend with friends, Lon and Mark, who came all the way from Atlanta. Early in the week I had some bad days and just kept saying out loud I was going to feel better by the weekend. And I did! I got to go for a walk with Lon and the puppies on Thursday. Friday I got a long walk in with Lon, then napped while she ran (Go Lon!). Then Friday night the four of us met up with Rosemary and Eddie, and Todd, Yvette, and Abby, to go to this year's Festival of the Trees at the Orlando Art Museum.

For some reason, I had my heart set on going to this event almost like a landmark from the git-go. I mean, the day Yvette and I went wig shopping and I saw the red wig predestined for my head, I said, "I will wear this wig to the Festival of Trees and match the Christmas ornaments." It came as no surprise to me when I pulled up the website to purchase tickets, and saw the theme for this year's gala was "Red Hot for the Holidays." I knew it all along!

We had a lovely time, just laughing and taking pictures. I knew it would be my last hurrah for a while, and I didn't want the day to end. None of us did, I think, because we got home fairly early but didn't quit talking till...very late! Here's a couple pictures from that night. Can you guess which one I am? Hint: I have red hair!

The next day we went to the UCF game. It was an absolutely beautiful day. I felt so good and then...I didn't. One minute I was telling my friend Traci how I wasn't tired at all, the next I was asking Lon if she minded going home early. I took a little nap when we got home, and woke up with Pink eye. Oh well, them's the breaks. I still had an awesome night, sitting upstairs with Lon laughing, watching Bridget Jones Diary and Nine to Five till my left eye didn't want to watch tv anymore. Lon is so good. She never even made me feel like she was disappointed we did nothing but sit together in front of the tube. In fact, I'll wager she had as much fun as me (alot!) just being together. The following morning Richie and I said goodbye to our dear friends, once again lamenting we live so far apart.

I go in for my next chemo on Monday, the 22nd. After that, I will go in for Taxol treatments every week till february 7. As I write this I get a call from Babbette. "I have bad news," she says. Apparently someone she knows is getting Taxol treatments now. Her nails fell off. Turned blue and ripped off, actually, sideways. "Oh." This moment reminds me of the day I called to tell Yvette how awful I was feeling about something I can't even recall now, and she proceeded to tell me most of the movie SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE, specifically detailing the abject poverty there and highlighting the story about the poor little kid who was forced to swim through a river of poop to get someone's autograph. "Huh," I remembering saying, "Is this supposed to be making me feel better?" There was a beat of silence--followed by hysterical giggling. Tonight, it went the same way. I said, "Ok, well thanks for calling." Pause. Then we laughed, because really, it's all you can do. :-)

The Ongoing Saga of little bunny :-)

Forwarded from an email from my friend, Freckles, aka Toots. (Like Tootsie, but without the ie)

She was feeling very spry today and she hopped out of bed early.

(Wasn't easy for Frex. I was watching football until midnight) Lil Bunny had loads of energy so I brought her straight down to kindergarten to spend the day. She was loved on by a roomful of five year olds ALL DAY LONG! They sang with Lil Bunny and hugged on LB and read to LB. Suffice it to say, LB wasn't thinking it could get much better. Because I felt challenged to see if I could kick it up a notch for that sweet little hare, I brought her to a prayer service at my church tonight. I just got home now. (Notice LB didn't return with

me) LB sat in the pews and soaked up all the prayers and songs in church. Several people stopped and asked about LB and once they heard her/your story, why they stopped right there and hit their knees and started praying too. LB has that effect on EVERYONE! Peeps was at church and when I saw the look in her eyes while she was watching LB all evening, I did offer her some quality time with the bunny. Of course LB made her night! LB will be with Peeps this week. Seems kinda fitting, Bunny and Peeps hanging out, sharing the love.

I love you, Bunny!

Hugs from Frex AKA Toots

The only way out is through...with the help of an angel or fifty

Last three-chemical chemo today. Yay!

To be honest, today was a hard day. Big things, little things, physical things, a few worries, and then I just plain didn't really know why, but suffice it to say I was a little bluesy and teary. I really hate to mention it because I don't like people to feel bad. Everyone has these days, after all. But I did want to mention it because of the beautiful grace I believe I was shown today. It's so not fair to keep it a secret!

First, I was in line at the pharmacy to get my three day anti nausea drug. There were several people in the small pharmacy, and I heard the door open and close an out of my peripheral vision I saw someone new come in. She sat down in a chair to wait and said, "How's it going, girl?" Real perky like that. I assumed she knew someone in the room. But...something made me glance her way and she was looking at me. Sweet little happy white-haired lady with several missing teeth. Sparkly eyes. I said I was "doin' pretty good" and asked after her. Apparently she's been battling cancer five years and is about to come out on the other side.

She gave me this keen look, like she could see into me and said, "God Bless you." I felt like it was God himself saying, "I'm here." I blessed her right back. When I left, we said goodbye and she said to me, "You be happy." Not like a perky wish. More like a kindly stated order.

Naturally I met Rich on the bench outside and cried a little. Poor Richie. I promise you this doesn't happen every day or even very often. So then I wiped my eyes and we went up to chemo. Richie went down to the car for my blanket. A waiting room full of people and there was this chipper red haired lady joking around with the office girls about having a Roto-Rooter. (Don't ask!)

I was sitting across the room. She wheeled her little briefcase over to me and said in a soft voice she hadn't been using earlier (:-)) "You're too young to be here." She asked me if she could pray for me and asked my name. She told me that her pastor had recently advised his flock to "cast their worries on Jesus." She said to cast 'em like the garbage men throw the bags of garbage on their trucks. It made me smile. Once again, I felt God's presence telling me to let these certain worries go. Big things I can't do anything about anyway but that keep me up at night. People in need, some of them very close to me, and animals and oil spills, and the fear I may leave my wonderful husband behind sooner than later...but I digress. Naturally I spilled a few more tears. She hugged me and said it was ok. "Sometimes when people speak a kindness over you it brings our feelings to the surface." Yep. Especially when they're just tucked under a scrap of tissue paper! Incidentally, she has stage four ovarian cancer and metatastic breast cancer. And she was drawn to me to comfort me! Awesome.

Then the lady who finished her chemo treatment several minutes before me walked over to me and touched my leg before she left. We hadn't spoken at all. I hadn't even seen her face. She'd been laid out and asleep most of the time and I had heard something about her having low blood pressure and having to wait for her chemo. She looked me right in the eye and smiled the sweetest smile and said, "Good luck with whatever you're going through." Again I felt His presence. Richard said after she left, "Oh, did you two have a nice chat?" I said no and just shook my head.

So the funnest God-speak came on the ride home. I'm on a country music kick just now. (And am just dumbfounded that the guy who sounds just like the lead singer from Hootie and the Blowfish they're playing on the radio so much really IS him!!) Anyway, after Darius's song went off, an up-beat little blue grass/pop country song came on. I grinned and said, "I like this song."

Richard and I listened for a minute. Maybe some of you know the refrain. I especially liked the regular lyrics part about angels on the street, lending you a hand like what happened to me today. Like My Goldie's Angels. Like my family--husband, daughter, mom, sisters, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Nieces and Nephews. My WP Dawgs! Like so many of my friends including my oldest friends who've reached out to me recently. And, well I know it, (even if I sound nuts) the ladies at the hospital today. :-)

If your going through hell

Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

...But the good news Is

there's angels everywhere

out on the street

Holding out a hand

to pull you back up on your feet...

Guess what I'm saying

If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Richie's eyes got suspiciously moist beneath his Oakleys. He didn't say anything, just reached over and turned the radio up.

Love to all! & Goodnight.

4th and final major chemo treatment tomorrow

Tomorrow Kimmy goes for her 4th and final "major" Chemo treatment.  I will be there as well, telling really bad jokes.  She does very well with it.  Everyone at MD Anderson is very positive and I think they all really like her.  How can you not?  Will update you on how she is doing late afternoon.  We generally know how it goes now.  She usually does pretty well the first few days after the treatment then gets run down starting Saturday.  :)  Thanks to all for all the support given in so many ways.  :)

Q & A about chemo

I'm three down of the four BBC's (Big Bad Chemos). I can't wait to get the last out of the way even as I'm dreading it.

It occurred to me last night that so many people have questions about the actual chemo and side effects, etc., and they mostly seem afraid to ask for fear of being intrusive (which you're not! It doesn't bother me :-)) But I thought I'd post a blog illuminating some of the mystery.

Day of chemo, Richie and I go see Dr. Shah my primary oncologist. She gives me a look-over and says some encouraging words then sends me off for breakfast and then chemo.

After we check in, we wait maybe five minutes then get told a room number ("room 1" or "room 5", etc.) we go down a hall and find our room and pick a corner. Each room has either two or four corners with two lazy boys in each corner. The nurses are funny and nice and there are always volunteers who come and ask if we need drinks or blankets. (I never need a blanket because Lara Finer, a friend through Richard, made me one :-))

There's always other patients with their respective loved ones sharing the room and they always say hi.

The first two treatments I met some ladies who told me they'd been at this for a very long time. Four years for one lady, three for another. They said in their cases, the cancer had shrunk with the chemo, but before the docs could operate, the cancer grew back. They look tired and dry. One looked especially brittle, like a twig or kindling wood. Bless them, they just keep at it. I prayed for them (silently) and asked not to be in their seat. Six months is enough for me.

Anywho, the nurse tests my blood to make sure my chemical levels are down and my platelets and other things are up and if everything is copacetic, she hooks the IV's of chemical bags to my port. (It's a plastic port, under my skin, already attached to a primary vein so they don't have to puncture anything but skin each time.)

An hour and a half later, I leave.

When I get home, I have a brand new bike tire hanging off my belly that lasts for a few days. I'm thirsty and drink and drink, but never get un-dry. I don't feel too bad day one and two because I take anti-nausea meds and steroids in pill form that gives me energy. I take advantage of these days, exercising and cleaning and feeling alive. Day three I start to feel a little dizzy, nothing too major, then I go in for my blood count shot. The chemo targets fast growing cells, and your white and red blood cells are fast growing, so after a few days, these counts drop. This kills off your immunity system as well as making it hard for your blood to clot, cuts to heal, etc.

I can attest to the slow healing process. I twisted my ankle a few days before I started all this and it's still not right. I got two little blisters on my thumbs after kayaking and they got worse, not better. And don't even ask about my teeth. Really.

OK, so the shot. It boosts my blood count. Blood mostly grows in your bones, so for some reason, this shot makes your bones ache. I tell people it feels a little like being a used pinyata (spelling?!) Everywhere feels bruised for several days (days four through six) Then this fades. Yay!

Around day four I get off the nausea meds and deal with a little queeziness. No big deal now that I learned to stay on the pills longer!

All along I loathe the bloat. Richie tells me not to lose sight of the goal, to kill the cancer, whenever I start complaining about my blossoming mid-section. My ever positive sunshiney sister Yvette says I can look forward to fooling my metabolism when this is all done. It will be asleep at the wheel when I ramp up my exercise.

Now weird little things start happening. Like my mouth. It sort of throbs. It doesn't hurt while this happens. It's just strange to feel your heart beat in your GUMS! But the throbbing sensation warned me to be on the lookout for that lovely litttle herpes virus I have and sure enough, it caught me last go round and is hanging about. The first blister occurred in an unusual place for me, in my back molar gum, but has since hit its regular favorite spots, my tongue and my lip. Yesterday the lip blistered a bit, but not too terribly bad. I got something called magic mouthwash from the pharmacy. NAsty stuff. But it numbs my mouth.

Ok, so there's a little stomach upset that happened this time. I'd previously noted swallowing bubbles burned. No more beer, and more importantly and horribly, no champagne! Boo! But I digress.

Each time, the burning got a little worse and affected a little bigger area. It's like this: I swallow anything and it burns its way down to my belly. Sometimes burns its way back up to my throat. I don't mean this as a complaint, just as a bit of info for anyone who's interested and so you might know for anyone who might ever go through this. It fades away, too! and is gone now so long as I stay away from bubbles. Especially bubbles with alcohol. That's not too hard really, cuz you don't really want it. Occasionally, you think you do, then you take a sip and realize no, you don't. (except once in a blue moon when you do! :-))

Fatigue was a major issue the first round. A little less the second, and this time, it seems even less, although i may have gotten better at managing it. Sometimes you just have to sit down. Sometimes even when you're walking your dogs. So I do.

Exercise seems to be the key to feeling good. Not high intensity, but long work outs that keep your blood flowing and your lungs breathing in oxygen. Bike rides, walking, kayaking, pilates. I really love yoga and everyone knows I miss the running, but now that my knee's on the mend, I'm waiting for my ankle to catch up. I assume this is all part of the plan. Can you say slow down?

People ask me how I deal with the boredom. Can I please tell you I (almost) never get bored! For one thing, I don't have time. Things like laundry and cleaning and walking my dogs take much longer than they used to. I spend time talking with family and friends, mostly via phone and email, but also in planned, spaced, get-togethers. I still exercise and what used to take forty minutes takes an hour and a half. I rest.

And then there's the writing. Most of you know I've written a few books and have been trying to get an agent and get published for going on five years now. I can sit and write for hours, and I do, and the time flies by.

I hope this hasn't been too boring, and that it answers some of the questions you might have had about this whole chemo thing.

Oh, yes, one more thing people always wonder. The treatment schedule. The last of the BBC's is November 3rd. Starting November 22nd, I start my once-a-week treatments, and they go through February 7th. It's going to be one drug and I hear the side effects are minimal. To the ladies who are planning to visit me in January, I can't wait! Richard has already agreed to make a "sacrifice" and go away on some boys trip so we can take over the house :-) I just need a date!

Have a wonderful day!

Goldie's Angels and Kimberly's Krew

I have to post a big thank you for all the wonderful folks who went above and beyond this weekend walking as warriors in the fight against cancer in my name! In VA Beach a whole slew of ladies and a few men and kids walked their tails off. In Orlando another "Krew" went to town. I'm just stunned and awed and grateful for all the love and support.

Here's a list of Goldie's Angels--MJ White, the organizer, and her two beautiful sons Connor and Dylan. Dylan's little girlfriend was there too! And Girlfriend's mom. :-) Audra drove up from Orlando with her whole beautiful family, Mike and Kai and Kelana. As Lon put it, her kids are so darned cute you could eat em. Several girls flew in--a big deal when you consider how much we fly--Mary-Beth, Tangie, Tangela, Lon, Kristy, Alex, and Collyd, one of the original VA Beach fly girls :-) In that exclusive group you have Merrillee, Sara, Erin, Kerry (Now a tampa commuter), Heather, and Jennifer. Thank you so much for hosting all the ladies and the events! I also saw Mel's mom in some of the pre-photos! kisses to all of you! Please pass on my thanks, too, for all the great jewelry you bought that allowed me to take home some beautiful Mysilpada Jewels! I can't wait till next year when we will all run that race together :-).

In Orlando, I was so touched by the ladies who walked. Again, just above and beyond. Kimmy and her daughter Mary-anne, Renee and her daughter Camryn, Luz and her mother Odilia, Tina, Luis, and Josh, and Tammi and Maria.

Thank you all, and congratulations on earning over $4300.00.

You rock!

Post copied from an email from my dear friend Sue Arbuckle, aka Freckles, aka Toots

The following is a precious email I received from my friend Freckles, aka Sue Arbuckle, aka, (and her alter ego) Toots.

This little stuffed animal Bunny is ME! And, as you'll see, I'm getting lots of love and cuddles and prayers, and the description was too good not to share. :-)

What does that sweet little bunny do when she isn't hanging with the Dawgs on Thursday night? Well, I am glad you asked. The first week of September bunny came home with Freckles as a special prayer friend. Frex and Stix spent that week with bunny and every time they gave her a hug, they gave her a prayer. Boy did we love us our bunny time. However, it wasn't too long before Flutter learned about that very special bunny that Dawgs were praying with and she exclaimed, "I need me some bunny time!" So off our furry little friend hopped to Flutter's house. Bunny was very happy with Flutter. Flutter has a beautiful, loving dog named Herbie and they loved each other so much! Flutter and Herbie prayed with bunny every day! But you know how word travels...Crash and Strutter had arrived from the great west and were home for only two days and they DEMANDED, "GIVE US THE BUNNY!" I must tell you. Strutter and Crash just loved having their morning coffee and prayer
time with that sweet little bunny. They weren't ready to let our adorable, loving, prayerful bunny go...but away she went...Scrunch and Scootch just had to take her home. Well...if you are feeling a WHOLE LOTTA LOVE RIGHT NOW...Mr. and Mrs. OAD finally have bunny. They have been patiently waiting in line for a while. They just collected her this evening. Mrs. OAD didn't put her down all night. Every time I looked over, she had bunny in her arms or on her lap giving her loads of TLC!! It was a beautiful thing!! Now Mr. and Mrs. OAD will spend their time with bunny much like the rest of us. Giving her lots of love and praying with her every day! Why? Because we love us our bunny/Bunny!

So now you know, the rest of the story.

I love you, Bunny!

Frex

Dr. Visit, Treatment Today

Well we were bound to get good at this if we kept trying.  K had her pre-treatment visit with Dr. Shah and all went well.  Dr. Shah feels the lump(s) are getting smaller and are soft.  Most importantly, the "pinkness" (IBC symptom) is minimal.  Just like last visit, the news is as good as it can be.  Everything checked out so we went for the 3rd Chemo treatment.  We got home mid afternoon, had a snack and Kimmy took a little nap.  She is out riding her bike as I type.  The crappiness seems to set in over the coming days but overall she is tolerating the treatments very well.  I'm convinced it is due in part to her excellent overall physical condition.  ;)  Ok, not that!  I mean her fitness!  But she looks so damn fine, too.  And, I have to give God the big nod as well.  So far we have been blessed in this process.

Add to the list of things I never thought I would do:  shave my wife's head!  I talked her out of the mohawk.

My wife is so very brave.  She goes about all of this with her chin up.  We have our ups and downs, but she keeps on going and rarely complains, even though she has earned the right.

Once she is past the worst of the side effects, we will be looking at the 4th and final of these "3 week treatments".  I think we both feel finishing the 4th will be a milestone.  Late November she starts 12 weeks of weekly treatments and Dr. Shah says there is less nausea resulting from those.  Also, we will be half way through the planned 6 months of chemo.  The "chemo first" type of treatment plan is a newer method of treatment for IBC.  The idea is to shrink the cancer in order to get a better shot at removing all of it with surgery.

My cousin Patty from Boston tells us Tufts has an IBC Center.  We are very happy with MD Anderson but we will explore our options just to have all the bases covered.  I'll post an update in a few days about how Kimberly is feeling.  Love and thanks to all!

An Update and An Outing

I'm a bit remiss in posting but I want to update everyone on how K is doing.  She had what I would call a 10 day hangover from her last treatment.  Nausea, fatigue, headaches and generally feeling crappy.  She fights each day and if she is up to it, she exercises.  Seems like that is always a positive, even if it wears her out.  She also experienced some localized soreness that affected her ability to eat for a few days but she managed to get it under control.  And, the Friday shot makes her sore all over.  I'm sitting here describing all of this but it's hard for anyone who hasn't worn the shoes to know what it's really like.  I have a new appreciation for anyone who battles this disease.

We were housebound all weekend but I have converted and love it.  We are attempting to set a netflix record.  I'm betting we get it and you all see us on TV.  K will be doing those lotion commercials.

Wednesday evening K, Scott and I went to the UCF football game.  We grabbed some Chipotle on the way and scarfed it in the lot outside the stadium.  Then we went in and watch the game with our usual seatmates, Paul & Cathi, Napoor, Steve and Sky and EJ and Brett.  The weather was beautiful.  We made it to half time and headed out.  Kimmy was a bit worn out but we had fun.  We don't go to crowded places anymore so I think she enjoyed it.  Tonight it's an early din-din with Eddie and Rosemary.

She is also enjoying hearing from family and friends and having some home cookin' from many kind souls.  Thanks to everyone for the prayers and everything you are doing. 

Well I think that is about it.  3rd "three week treatment" is next Wednesday.  We have only one more after that then it's weekly treatments for another 12 weeks.  Hopefully we get more good news from Dr. Shah!

Dawg HH

I am lucky enough to be a member of the greatest and best running group ever. It's called Winter Park Dawgs. Ever heard of it? Maybe you've seen one of the "A" group dashing past you at a stop sign near Park Ave? Or maybe you caught me trying to catch up back in the day I could actually run :-)

This group came about due to the compelling personality of our fearless leader, OAD, (Old Anal Dawg,aka John Corbett). He transplanted here from Atlanta several years ago and, being a superb athlete who loves to socialize, slowly began to accumulate fellow athletes who love people.

Of course, it couldn't be that simple or that boring. To join this group, one must first "declare." In other words, bark real loud and shout, "I wanna be a dawg!" After gaining wannbe status, you have to earn Dawg points. 6 in all (I think...?)

THEN, OAD names you. :-) It's all very exciting as the weeks go by and you wonder just what puppy name he will associate with you. There's all sorts. There's OAD himself (an appropriate name if ever there was one.) Mrs. OAD. (We all agree he could've done better with this one :-) Sharon could be called Lucky or Patience depending on the day! heehee), Dear Footy, who makes little foot noises as he runs by you, Freckles who has the most adorable freckles and bright white smile, Stick man, who's tall and lean like a stick man. Crash--he used to be with ATC, and his wife Strutter--she race walks. Gabby, a non-stop motor mouth. Stork--she thinks she got her name cause she has long legs, which she does, but she also has a boat load of kids. hmmm.

There's Yogi. (That's Babette :-))

I thought I might get Booboo.

I got the best name ever and OAd did give me the story behind it once. My name came about due to intangibles in my estimation. (In other words, I wasn't sure why I was so lucky, but I liked it! I understand a certain dawg lobbied for my name once, and she got Froggy instead heehee)

I'm BUNNY! yay!

On Thursdays, after a morning's long run and an afternoon rehashing said run at Einstein's, OAD and much of our pack meet at Outback's for happy hour to bond over beers and, later, tacos at Tijuana Flats. This Thursday was no exception. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend--or so I thought. Freckles sent me the following picture. You can see her winning smile and that's my OAD peeking out from behind her. As Freckles put it, I am smack dab in the center of attention!

Good news and bad news and thoughts on India

I haven't written lately because there hasn't been much to report. After the second treatment, I thought maybe this whole deal wouldn't be so bad if I could just get used to myself in the mirror.

But the fatigue just wears on you. Before I realized what was happening, I was almost a week in and just tiiiired. Aaalll the time. Sneaky sleepy dust bunny ba--ard. (:-))

And nauseous. I quit the anti-nausea meds a day earlier than last time, just to see. It seemed ok at first. Only after a few days off the medicine did I realize I wanted to puke most of the time. Or sleep. I didn't toss my cookies, but I did sit a lot.

Then came the soreness from the shot to boost my blood count. Started a bit slower, lasted several days longer. It's like having a bruise all over your body. Even your face hurts to wash it. It reminds me of the House episode where this young patient dude sees Dr House and complains he hurts all over. He uses his pointer finger and presses different spots on his body and says "ooow" until Dr House bends his finger backwards. (The idiot's finger is broken!)

So now we have tired, sore, pukey.

Oh yeah, and bald-ish.

Then Richard and I met with the dietician. I was getting super encouraged by her diatribe on vitamin D3 and what to do in the event I lose my appetite. I'm nodding. Listening. then she mentions that most "female chemo patients, though, gain weight."

Screeching halt. I confess I had a hard time listening to anything else after that little bomb.

What?! I have to go through all this and I don't even get the silver lining? I have to be bald, sick, sore, tired and FAT?!

I think Richard saw something in my eyes. He kept saying, "Don't worry honey, that's not you."

We walked out of the office and he asked if I was ok. I said I was a "little upset."

Outside the skies had opened so we waited a bit to leave, surrounded by gloom. Richie drove me back to my car at his office and I heard myself telling him I just didn't want it to take everything. And then I started to cry.

I really haven't lost it too much up to this point. Earlier that day I had a meeting with the genetic counselor and he told me I may have to lose my ovaries as well if it turns out I have a certain genetic mutation. Piece of cake. But suddenly, I was just through.

Richie was so good. He just held my hand and said, "Oh. Ok." Then he drove past his office. I looked up and asked where we were going. He told me I was driving with him to the Wendys to get a milkshake. It made me kind of smile through my boohoos. I'm worried abut getting fat and my lovee is taking me for a milkshake. Damn right.

Except I got french fries and ate half his shake :-)

By the time we got back to my car I felt much better. On the way home I called to lament my newest problem to Babette (aka Yvette aka Yogi), who proceeded to remind me to be happy I was going to get better since we caught the inflammatory pre-surgery, rather than post, in which case, this would be a whole different ball game. She said, "It makes me feel better!" in that cute little chipper voice she uses. Biotch. (jk)

So, I hung up and drove on. When I got home I weighed myself, as any good neurotic would do. You might like to know I actually lost a couple pounds again, after gaining some back last week. Then I did a little yoga for health.

Last thing. Rosemary, my sister-in-law called me and I KNEW she would understand about the whole fat thing, as she is rock hard and a size zero. She gave me permission to feel sorry for myself for just a second. Hey, we all know the masses are living in piles of crap in India. It really only makes me feel worse, not better about my own problems, heehee, but I digress.

By the end of the day, I felt much restored and it didn't hurt that my honey came home and played a new "eye of the tiger" playlist he'd put together for me and hugged me in the kitchen and I got to eat a delicious gourmet pot roast (yes. gourmet. pot roast. How does JP do it?)

God bless and love to you all.

Chemo 2

K's 2nd Oncology appt, blood work and chemo treatment were today.  A bit of a long day, but it went about as well as we could have hoped.  The blood work was fine and the physical exam indicates the two tumors are shrinking.  Also, the skin "rash" that is the symptom of the IBC seems to be clearing up.  Infected nodes under the arm are still enlarged but hopefully they are shrinking too.  Several hours for the infusions then headed home.  K had some Five Guys fries on the way and then napped for a bit.  She woke up feeling so well we did a 5 mile bike ride!  We ate great food tonight prepared by my sister Rosemary and mother Rose.  She's feeling kind of crappy now but still a very good day.  She was so positive and went through everything with her chin up.

Weekend haircut.

I'm sure you all know that a part of many chemo drug treatments is that you lose your hair.  Cancer is a made up of fast growing cells and so is hair.  Chemo drugs attack fast growing cells so you get the picture.  For those of you who haven't seen Kimberly lately, she got her hair cut in a cute little pixie 2 weeks ago to start the transition. She got a wild hair this weekend.  Actually she got lots of wild hairs, and they were going rogue and falling out.  So we went to Yvette's salon and she cut her hair off.  She looks so beautiful.  It's an adjustment to see yourself looking so different, not to mention thinking about how others see you.  Otherwise, we are fine.  Have some Nana Hayes food coming Tuesday.

Men of the blog!

Men, the ladies are making us look pretty bad with all those gorgeous pictures.  I thought about suggesting we post some of our own pics, sporting our bare chests, only to realize this would further humiliate us.  I guess if they post more pics, we will be forced to just sit here and "take it". ;)

Kimmy's treatments are presently 3 weeks apart, so there will be times then there isn't as much to say.  This is one of them, with the 2nd treatment scheduled for next Wednesday.  Two weeks since the first treatment, and Kimmy is back to flexing in the bathroom mirror and beating me at arm wrestling.  :))  I just want to say thanks so very much to each of you for supporting K and I.  The support is so important and believe me when I say we are leaning on each of you in different ways.  This is truly an experience that rewards the disciplined mind.  Keeping focused on doing what you are supposed to do and the day in front of you is so important.  This is one of the places that all of the positive support really helps.  It's like a reminder of where to focus our energy.

Hello Kimmy!

It all started with my first day missed from work. Lon went to the gate with the news I had been diagnosed with cancer. Thus was born "Hello Kimmy" which morphed into "Hola Kimmy" and now has bloomed into BBK. I won't tell you what the letters stand for, only that they are what Lon named my paper doll she takes everywhere with her. I can tell you Lon didn't like the idea of calling me "Flat Kimmy" after "Flat Stanley." She didn't like the connotation :-) Maybe you can figure it out...Anyway, my beautiful friends have been flying around the world and never fail to let me know I am being thought of and loved every minute.

Take a look at some of the most gorgeous flight attendants Continental has to offer! here

If you want to see something to make your smile even bigger, check out Merillee's Dominican Republic vacation here.

puppies and ice cream...

That basically encompasses my world for the last 24 hours. I am pooped.

Richard and I got home from the beach trip with Babette and Todd and the kids :-) minus Scotty and Ross yesterday afternoon and my black puppies were so happy to see me. I ate like a fiend at the beach, thanks to Todd's excellent cooking and two massive pizzas sent over by my mom, and let's not forget an "August birthday" cake from Mon Delice. Yummy!

Last night after eating some Coconut ice cream with hot fudge, I said to Richie, "Ok, that's enough fattening up till the next treatment." I don't want to roll to the hospital!!

Then I woke up and weighed myself, expecting to have put on five pounds. Guess what? I lost three. If only I would've known about this diet all along :-).

The beach trip was tiring but well worth it. I got to see many of my WP Dawgs who I've been missing (OAD, Mrs. OAD, Freckles, Flutter to name a few! It's ok if you don't know what I'm talking about. Just nod and move on. That always works for me.) and Toddy even drove from Jacksonville to be with us. It's probably one of the last times I'll be with a big crowd for a while. I understand I'll have to be careful not to catch any kind of infection (and every good Flight attendant knows it's only too easy to catch something in a crowd).

Right now, I could care less about going out. I am so darned tired. It just sneaks up on me and I find myself feeling like a little baby you wake up on the plane after landing, or in the car after arriving somewhere, just after the little tyke has nodded off. You know what happens, right? Tears and utter disbelief anyone has had the nerve to thwart my...eh...their...sleep :-).

No, I'm not that bad, really. Usually. Well, time to take a nap.

I decided to ween off the nausea meds (as in quite taking them cold turkey heehee). The paperwork says wait another couple days. The navigator nurse, Bonnie, says get off em when you can. So I went with her recommendation--just to see. OK, so I woke up a little nauseous. Thank goodness Collyd went me these awesome pressure point bracelets. I am trying them out this morning.

I woke up earlier than usual for me :-) probably because I didn't take the meds, and it is a beautiful day. A perfect day for the knights to kick some butt on the football field :-)

Hope everyone has a great day!

Thanks again for all the encouragement from family and friends. Muaa!

Greetings From Goldie

...before I lay down for my nap in the peeerrrfect bed. The one I share with baby bear (no, not referring to Richard,papa bear, but puppy boy Frank, aka Friend-Frank, currently of the Quakers. He's a pacifist. Now. We won't mention what became of the head of the "friends."

Ok, so. Chemo has started. It makes me tired, but I have tried to stay fairly active, as the information I have received says not to just lay around. Plus I hate laying around. 'specially not for six months--the proposed amount of time for this chemical therapy.

Saturday Yvette will cut my hair short in preparation for it falling out, and then the sheers will come out. Can you say wig?

The amount of support from my family and friends is unquantifiable. I am in awe and sooo thankful. I love you all so much and have come to believe (even before this challenge came my way) that people and relationship are the most important things in the world. We hope we will live long lives, and that there will be time between meeting deadlines and chasing aspirations to call aunt sally, and visit that old friend, and spend time with parents and siblings. But though our goals in life are fundamental to so many inner parts of ourselves, not to mention our financial well being, they are not what we will miss, they are not what makes life worth living. Therefore, they must be kept in perspective if we are to spend our lives well and with as few regrets as possible. Let's love our precious clans and let them know they are as important to us...as you all have let me know.

Thank you and may I give you all back the love you have poured into me. I know something good is gonna happen (as Kate Bush once said) and just saying it can even make it happen...xxoo

To vomit or not to vomit, that is the question!!

Not to vomit I say!  I have seen K get sick after anesthesia more than once so I wasn't sure how sick she might be from the first chemo.  She was given some pretty potent stuff.  I have to tell you we invoked the help of prayer and positive thinking.  Then we mixed in taking the side effect meds exactly as instructed.  Result?  So far the side effects have been manageable.

Port placed and first chemo

We were at the OR at 5:30am this morning for them to place Kimmy's Portacath.  It's a small "appliance" that allows the chemo drugs to be pushed into the superior vein.  It stays in until Chemo is over; 6 months.  Then over to the MD Anderson oncology unit for her first Chemo.  I had never been to a chemo unit before.  Quite a sensation to walk down the hallway and see all those machines for infusing cancer drugs and know we are going to be using one for a while.

She managed to eat a bit before they started (no food since the night before) the treatment around noon.  She was quite brave for both events, I have to say I was impressed.  Finally I stepped on her toe really hard so she would cry. ;)  It was good to get the fight started.  Lon was home taking care of the dogs, making din-din and handling a few other things so we didn't have to think about any of that.  Audra dropped by with some really delish looking meat pie and wine as well.  So many people have reached out to my Kimmy, all in different but meaningful ways.  We thank you all.

Kimmy got to feeling pretty crappy but she has rebounded nicely this evening and is down on the couch now.  One treatment in the bag!  The next few days she will rest and stay on all kinds of meds for treatment side effects.  Hopefully we keep them under control and she isn't too sick.

Update

I am so happy to be posting our first update is positive.  We found out today that Kimberly's various scans (PET, chest MRI, brain MRI, CT, Mugga) all came back clean.  This means that they believe the cancer is localized in her breast and left side lymph nodes.  This came out of our first appointment with the oncologist.

What kind of cancer does Kimberly have?  We were a bit hesitant to post this.  Initially they identified it as Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  However, there were still some unexplained symptoms and K and I pushed for more testing.  The testing revealed that she also has Inflammatory Breast Cancer.  This is a whole different thing than most other forms of breast cancer.  It is a fast growing and spreading type of cancer and I will refrain from saying more.  However, the fact that it seems we caught it early is huge.  This also sped things up a bit, with a bit of gentle urging, begging, @ss kissing and plain old pushyness.

With IBC, you get best results if they treat with chemo before surgery.  So tomorrow K has outpatient surgery to put a port in her chest, then her first Chemo starts afterward.

Goldie's Angels

Charlie's Angels have nothing on Goldie's Angels, not to mention Goldie.  Eleven of the Angels, many of whom are Kimberly's closest friends, are participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure October 16th in Virginia Beach.  Please consider donating in any of their names or the team name to contribute to the fight against breast cancer.  They have already increased their goal once.  Let's make 'em do it again.

Link:  Goldie's Angels in Run for the Cure!

What this is all about.

Here is a reprint from my August 26th e-mail:

Hello to all


If you are receiving this e-mail, we share something: an affinity for Kimberly Hayes. The past weeks have been a whirlwind for us. I have some serious news and there is no easy way to tell you. We found out a week ago Friday, after several tests and doctors’ visits, that Kimberly has breast cancer. Some of you already know this. On Wednesday of last week, we found out that it is a very serious form of the dreaded illness. We are still in shock. It takes time to adjust to the realization and all that goes with it.

We immediately moved to the process of seeing doctors and going through tests. We are gathering information so that the doctors can implement a treatment plan. Kimberly is being treated by the doctors at MD Anderson and she is getting the best care possible. We are cooperating, asking questions, reading and trying to add what we can to her treatment. We have been persistent about getting appointments quickly and the persistence has paid off. Every day is a long one, and we often find ourselves worn out at bed time. Kimberly is a strong woman, and we awake everyday full of fight and determination. We have been truly buoyed by our faith, our family and our friends. I never fully understood the strength of a circle like this, but it took only a week to realize what faith and great people can do when you face a real crisis.

You can help Kimberly. If you are a believer, put her in your prayers. If you are not, say a prayer for her anyway. We are starting a blog in the next day or so for those that want to keep up with what is going on with Kimberly. Thanks so much to all who have shown so much care, so much love. The support has been absolutely wonderful. Inspired. Extraordinary. And it has really helped. Of course I shouldn’t be surprised. Kimberly is one of the finest people I have ever known and I have the privilege of being married to her.

OK so what is left to say? Just that we are fighting and we won’t stop until Kimberly is 100% cancer free and healthy.

Richard

What's in a name?

This blog is dedicated to my wonderful wife Kimberly and our fight against breast cancer.

You are right if you guess I didn't come up with the name.  Goldie's Angels is the inspiration of friends and co-workers of Kimberly's.  It's the "team" name of those who have absolutely put their hard hats on and gone to work supporting Kimberly and joining the fight against breast cancer.  So why Goldie?  Because Kimmy reminds so many of us of Goldie Hawn.  More on Goldie's Angels shortly.

Don't expect me to reveal all the mysteries this easily...