Today's Treatment - Taxol

Hello all, just a quick update on today's treatment, the first of 13 weekly treatments of a single drug called Taxol (Paclitaxel).  K started with a blood test as usual to be sure everything looks ok before the treatment.  Her Platelets were high, which I understand is good.  Then they serve up several IV bags of various "pre-meds" aimed at knocking down side effects.  They have generally scared the crap out of us with possible side effects from this drug.  The conversation has gone something like:
Dr./Onc RN:
"You are switching to weekly Taxol treatments.  It is an easier drug to tolerate than the multi drug cocktail you were on.  There are a few side effects but you shouldn't be as nauseous."
Us:
"Oh.  Sounds better.  What are the side effects?"
Dr./Onc RN:
"Oh, well your fingernails and toenails will probably turn black and fall off.  You will still be fatigued and may need to take amino acids for it.  Oh, and we have to monitor drug toxicity.  It can cause permanent damage.  Your fingers and toes will tingle and go numb.  That's ok as long as the feeling subsides."
Us:
"Sounds much better."

One thing we have learned, though, is they feel they have to prepare you for everything that can happen to you, including the worst.  We are hoping, praying and believing that K will dodge the worst of it.  :)  I continue to believe her overall health and stamina are paying dividends.

So getting back to today, after the pre-meds she got the Taxol and we made our way home.  Did I forget to mention the cruller from Duncan Donuts?  K is wiped out and has just crashed in bed for a nap.  On days when things change it's a bit stressful.  So far, so good.  We shall see.

Thanks so much to everyone for all of the loving support.  You have no idea how much it helps us.  Kimberly wanted me to mention that she got a couple of calls but is just too tired to get on the phone right now.

K has written the last few updates and after reading her posts, I nearly retired my keyboard, having had my writing skills shown up so thoroughly.  Instead, I have given each of us nicknames.  What do you think?

Me:  Ham-hander

K:  Velvet Scribe

Days go by

It's hard to believe three of the six months of chemo have passed. I think I made it through the first three months of "bad chemo" pretty well. They tell me the next three months won't be "as bad." Not as much nausea, no neulasta shot (the shot that makes me feel like a used pinata). And? I say. What else won't I get? Will bloating be a thing of the past?

I hear nothing about bloating but I do hear fatigue will increase. (Insert frownie face here.) Hair won't grow back. (Insert I Am Not My Hair song here.) Muscle pain and numb fingertips and toes. (hmm? When is the better part coming?) Oh yeah, and my nails and toenails will fall off. Ok. I am NOT my hair. I can make due with a wig or hat or scarf. But I can't see myself walking out the front door without nails! I just got used to my plain ol' regular fingernails. Yeesh.

Apparently there is no drinking alcohol with Taxol. I think that'll be ok since I'm usually a t-totaller now. I also think I'll be happy when this three months is up and I can have a nice glass of champagne. (Brings to mind a very good friend who once posted his status on facebook like this: "Relaxing with a nice glass of wine. Who am I kidding? Bottle." :-))

We just had a big, much anticipated weekend with friends, Lon and Mark, who came all the way from Atlanta. Early in the week I had some bad days and just kept saying out loud I was going to feel better by the weekend. And I did! I got to go for a walk with Lon and the puppies on Thursday. Friday I got a long walk in with Lon, then napped while she ran (Go Lon!). Then Friday night the four of us met up with Rosemary and Eddie, and Todd, Yvette, and Abby, to go to this year's Festival of the Trees at the Orlando Art Museum.

For some reason, I had my heart set on going to this event almost like a landmark from the git-go. I mean, the day Yvette and I went wig shopping and I saw the red wig predestined for my head, I said, "I will wear this wig to the Festival of Trees and match the Christmas ornaments." It came as no surprise to me when I pulled up the website to purchase tickets, and saw the theme for this year's gala was "Red Hot for the Holidays." I knew it all along!

We had a lovely time, just laughing and taking pictures. I knew it would be my last hurrah for a while, and I didn't want the day to end. None of us did, I think, because we got home fairly early but didn't quit talking till...very late! Here's a couple pictures from that night. Can you guess which one I am? Hint: I have red hair!

The next day we went to the UCF game. It was an absolutely beautiful day. I felt so good and then...I didn't. One minute I was telling my friend Traci how I wasn't tired at all, the next I was asking Lon if she minded going home early. I took a little nap when we got home, and woke up with Pink eye. Oh well, them's the breaks. I still had an awesome night, sitting upstairs with Lon laughing, watching Bridget Jones Diary and Nine to Five till my left eye didn't want to watch tv anymore. Lon is so good. She never even made me feel like she was disappointed we did nothing but sit together in front of the tube. In fact, I'll wager she had as much fun as me (alot!) just being together. The following morning Richie and I said goodbye to our dear friends, once again lamenting we live so far apart.

I go in for my next chemo on Monday, the 22nd. After that, I will go in for Taxol treatments every week till february 7. As I write this I get a call from Babbette. "I have bad news," she says. Apparently someone she knows is getting Taxol treatments now. Her nails fell off. Turned blue and ripped off, actually, sideways. "Oh." This moment reminds me of the day I called to tell Yvette how awful I was feeling about something I can't even recall now, and she proceeded to tell me most of the movie SLUM DOG MILLIONAIRE, specifically detailing the abject poverty there and highlighting the story about the poor little kid who was forced to swim through a river of poop to get someone's autograph. "Huh," I remembering saying, "Is this supposed to be making me feel better?" There was a beat of silence--followed by hysterical giggling. Tonight, it went the same way. I said, "Ok, well thanks for calling." Pause. Then we laughed, because really, it's all you can do. :-)

The Ongoing Saga of little bunny :-)

Forwarded from an email from my friend, Freckles, aka Toots. (Like Tootsie, but without the ie)

She was feeling very spry today and she hopped out of bed early.

(Wasn't easy for Frex. I was watching football until midnight) Lil Bunny had loads of energy so I brought her straight down to kindergarten to spend the day. She was loved on by a roomful of five year olds ALL DAY LONG! They sang with Lil Bunny and hugged on LB and read to LB. Suffice it to say, LB wasn't thinking it could get much better. Because I felt challenged to see if I could kick it up a notch for that sweet little hare, I brought her to a prayer service at my church tonight. I just got home now. (Notice LB didn't return with

me) LB sat in the pews and soaked up all the prayers and songs in church. Several people stopped and asked about LB and once they heard her/your story, why they stopped right there and hit their knees and started praying too. LB has that effect on EVERYONE! Peeps was at church and when I saw the look in her eyes while she was watching LB all evening, I did offer her some quality time with the bunny. Of course LB made her night! LB will be with Peeps this week. Seems kinda fitting, Bunny and Peeps hanging out, sharing the love.

I love you, Bunny!

Hugs from Frex AKA Toots

The only way out is through...with the help of an angel or fifty

Last three-chemical chemo today. Yay!

To be honest, today was a hard day. Big things, little things, physical things, a few worries, and then I just plain didn't really know why, but suffice it to say I was a little bluesy and teary. I really hate to mention it because I don't like people to feel bad. Everyone has these days, after all. But I did want to mention it because of the beautiful grace I believe I was shown today. It's so not fair to keep it a secret!

First, I was in line at the pharmacy to get my three day anti nausea drug. There were several people in the small pharmacy, and I heard the door open and close an out of my peripheral vision I saw someone new come in. She sat down in a chair to wait and said, "How's it going, girl?" Real perky like that. I assumed she knew someone in the room. But...something made me glance her way and she was looking at me. Sweet little happy white-haired lady with several missing teeth. Sparkly eyes. I said I was "doin' pretty good" and asked after her. Apparently she's been battling cancer five years and is about to come out on the other side.

She gave me this keen look, like she could see into me and said, "God Bless you." I felt like it was God himself saying, "I'm here." I blessed her right back. When I left, we said goodbye and she said to me, "You be happy." Not like a perky wish. More like a kindly stated order.

Naturally I met Rich on the bench outside and cried a little. Poor Richie. I promise you this doesn't happen every day or even very often. So then I wiped my eyes and we went up to chemo. Richie went down to the car for my blanket. A waiting room full of people and there was this chipper red haired lady joking around with the office girls about having a Roto-Rooter. (Don't ask!)

I was sitting across the room. She wheeled her little briefcase over to me and said in a soft voice she hadn't been using earlier (:-)) "You're too young to be here." She asked me if she could pray for me and asked my name. She told me that her pastor had recently advised his flock to "cast their worries on Jesus." She said to cast 'em like the garbage men throw the bags of garbage on their trucks. It made me smile. Once again, I felt God's presence telling me to let these certain worries go. Big things I can't do anything about anyway but that keep me up at night. People in need, some of them very close to me, and animals and oil spills, and the fear I may leave my wonderful husband behind sooner than later...but I digress. Naturally I spilled a few more tears. She hugged me and said it was ok. "Sometimes when people speak a kindness over you it brings our feelings to the surface." Yep. Especially when they're just tucked under a scrap of tissue paper! Incidentally, she has stage four ovarian cancer and metatastic breast cancer. And she was drawn to me to comfort me! Awesome.

Then the lady who finished her chemo treatment several minutes before me walked over to me and touched my leg before she left. We hadn't spoken at all. I hadn't even seen her face. She'd been laid out and asleep most of the time and I had heard something about her having low blood pressure and having to wait for her chemo. She looked me right in the eye and smiled the sweetest smile and said, "Good luck with whatever you're going through." Again I felt His presence. Richard said after she left, "Oh, did you two have a nice chat?" I said no and just shook my head.

So the funnest God-speak came on the ride home. I'm on a country music kick just now. (And am just dumbfounded that the guy who sounds just like the lead singer from Hootie and the Blowfish they're playing on the radio so much really IS him!!) Anyway, after Darius's song went off, an up-beat little blue grass/pop country song came on. I grinned and said, "I like this song."

Richard and I listened for a minute. Maybe some of you know the refrain. I especially liked the regular lyrics part about angels on the street, lending you a hand like what happened to me today. Like My Goldie's Angels. Like my family--husband, daughter, mom, sisters, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Nieces and Nephews. My WP Dawgs! Like so many of my friends including my oldest friends who've reached out to me recently. And, well I know it, (even if I sound nuts) the ladies at the hospital today. :-)

If your going through hell

Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

...But the good news Is

there's angels everywhere

out on the street

Holding out a hand

to pull you back up on your feet...

Guess what I'm saying

If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Richie's eyes got suspiciously moist beneath his Oakleys. He didn't say anything, just reached over and turned the radio up.

Love to all! & Goodnight.

4th and final major chemo treatment tomorrow

Tomorrow Kimmy goes for her 4th and final "major" Chemo treatment.  I will be there as well, telling really bad jokes.  She does very well with it.  Everyone at MD Anderson is very positive and I think they all really like her.  How can you not?  Will update you on how she is doing late afternoon.  We generally know how it goes now.  She usually does pretty well the first few days after the treatment then gets run down starting Saturday.  :)  Thanks to all for all the support given in so many ways.  :)

Q & A about chemo

I'm three down of the four BBC's (Big Bad Chemos). I can't wait to get the last out of the way even as I'm dreading it.

It occurred to me last night that so many people have questions about the actual chemo and side effects, etc., and they mostly seem afraid to ask for fear of being intrusive (which you're not! It doesn't bother me :-)) But I thought I'd post a blog illuminating some of the mystery.

Day of chemo, Richie and I go see Dr. Shah my primary oncologist. She gives me a look-over and says some encouraging words then sends me off for breakfast and then chemo.

After we check in, we wait maybe five minutes then get told a room number ("room 1" or "room 5", etc.) we go down a hall and find our room and pick a corner. Each room has either two or four corners with two lazy boys in each corner. The nurses are funny and nice and there are always volunteers who come and ask if we need drinks or blankets. (I never need a blanket because Lara Finer, a friend through Richard, made me one :-))

There's always other patients with their respective loved ones sharing the room and they always say hi.

The first two treatments I met some ladies who told me they'd been at this for a very long time. Four years for one lady, three for another. They said in their cases, the cancer had shrunk with the chemo, but before the docs could operate, the cancer grew back. They look tired and dry. One looked especially brittle, like a twig or kindling wood. Bless them, they just keep at it. I prayed for them (silently) and asked not to be in their seat. Six months is enough for me.

Anywho, the nurse tests my blood to make sure my chemical levels are down and my platelets and other things are up and if everything is copacetic, she hooks the IV's of chemical bags to my port. (It's a plastic port, under my skin, already attached to a primary vein so they don't have to puncture anything but skin each time.)

An hour and a half later, I leave.

When I get home, I have a brand new bike tire hanging off my belly that lasts for a few days. I'm thirsty and drink and drink, but never get un-dry. I don't feel too bad day one and two because I take anti-nausea meds and steroids in pill form that gives me energy. I take advantage of these days, exercising and cleaning and feeling alive. Day three I start to feel a little dizzy, nothing too major, then I go in for my blood count shot. The chemo targets fast growing cells, and your white and red blood cells are fast growing, so after a few days, these counts drop. This kills off your immunity system as well as making it hard for your blood to clot, cuts to heal, etc.

I can attest to the slow healing process. I twisted my ankle a few days before I started all this and it's still not right. I got two little blisters on my thumbs after kayaking and they got worse, not better. And don't even ask about my teeth. Really.

OK, so the shot. It boosts my blood count. Blood mostly grows in your bones, so for some reason, this shot makes your bones ache. I tell people it feels a little like being a used pinyata (spelling?!) Everywhere feels bruised for several days (days four through six) Then this fades. Yay!

Around day four I get off the nausea meds and deal with a little queeziness. No big deal now that I learned to stay on the pills longer!

All along I loathe the bloat. Richie tells me not to lose sight of the goal, to kill the cancer, whenever I start complaining about my blossoming mid-section. My ever positive sunshiney sister Yvette says I can look forward to fooling my metabolism when this is all done. It will be asleep at the wheel when I ramp up my exercise.

Now weird little things start happening. Like my mouth. It sort of throbs. It doesn't hurt while this happens. It's just strange to feel your heart beat in your GUMS! But the throbbing sensation warned me to be on the lookout for that lovely litttle herpes virus I have and sure enough, it caught me last go round and is hanging about. The first blister occurred in an unusual place for me, in my back molar gum, but has since hit its regular favorite spots, my tongue and my lip. Yesterday the lip blistered a bit, but not too terribly bad. I got something called magic mouthwash from the pharmacy. NAsty stuff. But it numbs my mouth.

Ok, so there's a little stomach upset that happened this time. I'd previously noted swallowing bubbles burned. No more beer, and more importantly and horribly, no champagne! Boo! But I digress.

Each time, the burning got a little worse and affected a little bigger area. It's like this: I swallow anything and it burns its way down to my belly. Sometimes burns its way back up to my throat. I don't mean this as a complaint, just as a bit of info for anyone who's interested and so you might know for anyone who might ever go through this. It fades away, too! and is gone now so long as I stay away from bubbles. Especially bubbles with alcohol. That's not too hard really, cuz you don't really want it. Occasionally, you think you do, then you take a sip and realize no, you don't. (except once in a blue moon when you do! :-))

Fatigue was a major issue the first round. A little less the second, and this time, it seems even less, although i may have gotten better at managing it. Sometimes you just have to sit down. Sometimes even when you're walking your dogs. So I do.

Exercise seems to be the key to feeling good. Not high intensity, but long work outs that keep your blood flowing and your lungs breathing in oxygen. Bike rides, walking, kayaking, pilates. I really love yoga and everyone knows I miss the running, but now that my knee's on the mend, I'm waiting for my ankle to catch up. I assume this is all part of the plan. Can you say slow down?

People ask me how I deal with the boredom. Can I please tell you I (almost) never get bored! For one thing, I don't have time. Things like laundry and cleaning and walking my dogs take much longer than they used to. I spend time talking with family and friends, mostly via phone and email, but also in planned, spaced, get-togethers. I still exercise and what used to take forty minutes takes an hour and a half. I rest.

And then there's the writing. Most of you know I've written a few books and have been trying to get an agent and get published for going on five years now. I can sit and write for hours, and I do, and the time flies by.

I hope this hasn't been too boring, and that it answers some of the questions you might have had about this whole chemo thing.

Oh, yes, one more thing people always wonder. The treatment schedule. The last of the BBC's is November 3rd. Starting November 22nd, I start my once-a-week treatments, and they go through February 7th. It's going to be one drug and I hear the side effects are minimal. To the ladies who are planning to visit me in January, I can't wait! Richard has already agreed to make a "sacrifice" and go away on some boys trip so we can take over the house :-) I just need a date!

Have a wonderful day!

Goldie's Angels and Kimberly's Krew

I have to post a big thank you for all the wonderful folks who went above and beyond this weekend walking as warriors in the fight against cancer in my name! In VA Beach a whole slew of ladies and a few men and kids walked their tails off. In Orlando another "Krew" went to town. I'm just stunned and awed and grateful for all the love and support.

Here's a list of Goldie's Angels--MJ White, the organizer, and her two beautiful sons Connor and Dylan. Dylan's little girlfriend was there too! And Girlfriend's mom. :-) Audra drove up from Orlando with her whole beautiful family, Mike and Kai and Kelana. As Lon put it, her kids are so darned cute you could eat em. Several girls flew in--a big deal when you consider how much we fly--Mary-Beth, Tangie, Tangela, Lon, Kristy, Alex, and Collyd, one of the original VA Beach fly girls :-) In that exclusive group you have Merrillee, Sara, Erin, Kerry (Now a tampa commuter), Heather, and Jennifer. Thank you so much for hosting all the ladies and the events! I also saw Mel's mom in some of the pre-photos! kisses to all of you! Please pass on my thanks, too, for all the great jewelry you bought that allowed me to take home some beautiful Mysilpada Jewels! I can't wait till next year when we will all run that race together :-).

In Orlando, I was so touched by the ladies who walked. Again, just above and beyond. Kimmy and her daughter Mary-anne, Renee and her daughter Camryn, Luz and her mother Odilia, Tina, Luis, and Josh, and Tammi and Maria.

Thank you all, and congratulations on earning over $4300.00.

You rock!