Good news and bad news and thoughts on India

I haven't written lately because there hasn't been much to report. After the second treatment, I thought maybe this whole deal wouldn't be so bad if I could just get used to myself in the mirror.

But the fatigue just wears on you. Before I realized what was happening, I was almost a week in and just tiiiired. Aaalll the time. Sneaky sleepy dust bunny ba--ard. (:-))

And nauseous. I quit the anti-nausea meds a day earlier than last time, just to see. It seemed ok at first. Only after a few days off the medicine did I realize I wanted to puke most of the time. Or sleep. I didn't toss my cookies, but I did sit a lot.

Then came the soreness from the shot to boost my blood count. Started a bit slower, lasted several days longer. It's like having a bruise all over your body. Even your face hurts to wash it. It reminds me of the House episode where this young patient dude sees Dr House and complains he hurts all over. He uses his pointer finger and presses different spots on his body and says "ooow" until Dr House bends his finger backwards. (The idiot's finger is broken!)

So now we have tired, sore, pukey.

Oh yeah, and bald-ish.

Then Richard and I met with the dietician. I was getting super encouraged by her diatribe on vitamin D3 and what to do in the event I lose my appetite. I'm nodding. Listening. then she mentions that most "female chemo patients, though, gain weight."

Screeching halt. I confess I had a hard time listening to anything else after that little bomb.

What?! I have to go through all this and I don't even get the silver lining? I have to be bald, sick, sore, tired and FAT?!

I think Richard saw something in my eyes. He kept saying, "Don't worry honey, that's not you."

We walked out of the office and he asked if I was ok. I said I was a "little upset."

Outside the skies had opened so we waited a bit to leave, surrounded by gloom. Richie drove me back to my car at his office and I heard myself telling him I just didn't want it to take everything. And then I started to cry.

I really haven't lost it too much up to this point. Earlier that day I had a meeting with the genetic counselor and he told me I may have to lose my ovaries as well if it turns out I have a certain genetic mutation. Piece of cake. But suddenly, I was just through.

Richie was so good. He just held my hand and said, "Oh. Ok." Then he drove past his office. I looked up and asked where we were going. He told me I was driving with him to the Wendys to get a milkshake. It made me kind of smile through my boohoos. I'm worried abut getting fat and my lovee is taking me for a milkshake. Damn right.

Except I got french fries and ate half his shake :-)

By the time we got back to my car I felt much better. On the way home I called to lament my newest problem to Babette (aka Yvette aka Yogi), who proceeded to remind me to be happy I was going to get better since we caught the inflammatory pre-surgery, rather than post, in which case, this would be a whole different ball game. She said, "It makes me feel better!" in that cute little chipper voice she uses. Biotch. (jk)

So, I hung up and drove on. When I got home I weighed myself, as any good neurotic would do. You might like to know I actually lost a couple pounds again, after gaining some back last week. Then I did a little yoga for health.

Last thing. Rosemary, my sister-in-law called me and I KNEW she would understand about the whole fat thing, as she is rock hard and a size zero. She gave me permission to feel sorry for myself for just a second. Hey, we all know the masses are living in piles of crap in India. It really only makes me feel worse, not better about my own problems, heehee, but I digress.

By the end of the day, I felt much restored and it didn't hurt that my honey came home and played a new "eye of the tiger" playlist he'd put together for me and hugged me in the kitchen and I got to eat a delicious gourmet pot roast (yes. gourmet. pot roast. How does JP do it?)

God bless and love to you all.

Chemo 2

K's 2nd Oncology appt, blood work and chemo treatment were today.  A bit of a long day, but it went about as well as we could have hoped.  The blood work was fine and the physical exam indicates the two tumors are shrinking.  Also, the skin "rash" that is the symptom of the IBC seems to be clearing up.  Infected nodes under the arm are still enlarged but hopefully they are shrinking too.  Several hours for the infusions then headed home.  K had some Five Guys fries on the way and then napped for a bit.  She woke up feeling so well we did a 5 mile bike ride!  We ate great food tonight prepared by my sister Rosemary and mother Rose.  She's feeling kind of crappy now but still a very good day.  She was so positive and went through everything with her chin up.

Weekend haircut.

I'm sure you all know that a part of many chemo drug treatments is that you lose your hair.  Cancer is a made up of fast growing cells and so is hair.  Chemo drugs attack fast growing cells so you get the picture.  For those of you who haven't seen Kimberly lately, she got her hair cut in a cute little pixie 2 weeks ago to start the transition. She got a wild hair this weekend.  Actually she got lots of wild hairs, and they were going rogue and falling out.  So we went to Yvette's salon and she cut her hair off.  She looks so beautiful.  It's an adjustment to see yourself looking so different, not to mention thinking about how others see you.  Otherwise, we are fine.  Have some Nana Hayes food coming Tuesday.

Men of the blog!

Men, the ladies are making us look pretty bad with all those gorgeous pictures.  I thought about suggesting we post some of our own pics, sporting our bare chests, only to realize this would further humiliate us.  I guess if they post more pics, we will be forced to just sit here and "take it". ;)

Kimmy's treatments are presently 3 weeks apart, so there will be times then there isn't as much to say.  This is one of them, with the 2nd treatment scheduled for next Wednesday.  Two weeks since the first treatment, and Kimmy is back to flexing in the bathroom mirror and beating me at arm wrestling.  :))  I just want to say thanks so very much to each of you for supporting K and I.  The support is so important and believe me when I say we are leaning on each of you in different ways.  This is truly an experience that rewards the disciplined mind.  Keeping focused on doing what you are supposed to do and the day in front of you is so important.  This is one of the places that all of the positive support really helps.  It's like a reminder of where to focus our energy.

Hello Kimmy!

It all started with my first day missed from work. Lon went to the gate with the news I had been diagnosed with cancer. Thus was born "Hello Kimmy" which morphed into "Hola Kimmy" and now has bloomed into BBK. I won't tell you what the letters stand for, only that they are what Lon named my paper doll she takes everywhere with her. I can tell you Lon didn't like the idea of calling me "Flat Kimmy" after "Flat Stanley." She didn't like the connotation :-) Maybe you can figure it out...Anyway, my beautiful friends have been flying around the world and never fail to let me know I am being thought of and loved every minute.

Take a look at some of the most gorgeous flight attendants Continental has to offer! here

If you want to see something to make your smile even bigger, check out Merillee's Dominican Republic vacation here.

puppies and ice cream...

That basically encompasses my world for the last 24 hours. I am pooped.

Richard and I got home from the beach trip with Babette and Todd and the kids :-) minus Scotty and Ross yesterday afternoon and my black puppies were so happy to see me. I ate like a fiend at the beach, thanks to Todd's excellent cooking and two massive pizzas sent over by my mom, and let's not forget an "August birthday" cake from Mon Delice. Yummy!

Last night after eating some Coconut ice cream with hot fudge, I said to Richie, "Ok, that's enough fattening up till the next treatment." I don't want to roll to the hospital!!

Then I woke up and weighed myself, expecting to have put on five pounds. Guess what? I lost three. If only I would've known about this diet all along :-).

The beach trip was tiring but well worth it. I got to see many of my WP Dawgs who I've been missing (OAD, Mrs. OAD, Freckles, Flutter to name a few! It's ok if you don't know what I'm talking about. Just nod and move on. That always works for me.) and Toddy even drove from Jacksonville to be with us. It's probably one of the last times I'll be with a big crowd for a while. I understand I'll have to be careful not to catch any kind of infection (and every good Flight attendant knows it's only too easy to catch something in a crowd).

Right now, I could care less about going out. I am so darned tired. It just sneaks up on me and I find myself feeling like a little baby you wake up on the plane after landing, or in the car after arriving somewhere, just after the little tyke has nodded off. You know what happens, right? Tears and utter disbelief anyone has had the nerve to thwart my...eh...their...sleep :-).

No, I'm not that bad, really. Usually. Well, time to take a nap.

I decided to ween off the nausea meds (as in quite taking them cold turkey heehee). The paperwork says wait another couple days. The navigator nurse, Bonnie, says get off em when you can. So I went with her recommendation--just to see. OK, so I woke up a little nauseous. Thank goodness Collyd went me these awesome pressure point bracelets. I am trying them out this morning.

I woke up earlier than usual for me :-) probably because I didn't take the meds, and it is a beautiful day. A perfect day for the knights to kick some butt on the football field :-)

Hope everyone has a great day!

Thanks again for all the encouragement from family and friends. Muaa!

Greetings From Goldie

...before I lay down for my nap in the peeerrrfect bed. The one I share with baby bear (no, not referring to Richard,papa bear, but puppy boy Frank, aka Friend-Frank, currently of the Quakers. He's a pacifist. Now. We won't mention what became of the head of the "friends."

Ok, so. Chemo has started. It makes me tired, but I have tried to stay fairly active, as the information I have received says not to just lay around. Plus I hate laying around. 'specially not for six months--the proposed amount of time for this chemical therapy.

Saturday Yvette will cut my hair short in preparation for it falling out, and then the sheers will come out. Can you say wig?

The amount of support from my family and friends is unquantifiable. I am in awe and sooo thankful. I love you all so much and have come to believe (even before this challenge came my way) that people and relationship are the most important things in the world. We hope we will live long lives, and that there will be time between meeting deadlines and chasing aspirations to call aunt sally, and visit that old friend, and spend time with parents and siblings. But though our goals in life are fundamental to so many inner parts of ourselves, not to mention our financial well being, they are not what we will miss, they are not what makes life worth living. Therefore, they must be kept in perspective if we are to spend our lives well and with as few regrets as possible. Let's love our precious clans and let them know they are as important to us...as you all have let me know.

Thank you and may I give you all back the love you have poured into me. I know something good is gonna happen (as Kate Bush once said) and just saying it can even make it happen...xxoo

To vomit or not to vomit, that is the question!!

Not to vomit I say!  I have seen K get sick after anesthesia more than once so I wasn't sure how sick she might be from the first chemo.  She was given some pretty potent stuff.  I have to tell you we invoked the help of prayer and positive thinking.  Then we mixed in taking the side effect meds exactly as instructed.  Result?  So far the side effects have been manageable.

Port placed and first chemo

We were at the OR at 5:30am this morning for them to place Kimmy's Portacath.  It's a small "appliance" that allows the chemo drugs to be pushed into the superior vein.  It stays in until Chemo is over; 6 months.  Then over to the MD Anderson oncology unit for her first Chemo.  I had never been to a chemo unit before.  Quite a sensation to walk down the hallway and see all those machines for infusing cancer drugs and know we are going to be using one for a while.

She managed to eat a bit before they started (no food since the night before) the treatment around noon.  She was quite brave for both events, I have to say I was impressed.  Finally I stepped on her toe really hard so she would cry. ;)  It was good to get the fight started.  Lon was home taking care of the dogs, making din-din and handling a few other things so we didn't have to think about any of that.  Audra dropped by with some really delish looking meat pie and wine as well.  So many people have reached out to my Kimmy, all in different but meaningful ways.  We thank you all.

Kimmy got to feeling pretty crappy but she has rebounded nicely this evening and is down on the couch now.  One treatment in the bag!  The next few days she will rest and stay on all kinds of meds for treatment side effects.  Hopefully we keep them under control and she isn't too sick.